Bucket List Expectations.

As it's getting towards the time when we think about our new years resolutions, I start to think about what I want to achieve. And it got me thinking (so much thinking going here!) the goals that everyone sets are so unachievable and unrealistic. I personally have never kept to my resolutions so I thought of something better, a bucket list.

Now I know what your thinking. Bucket lists are for things that you want to do before you die, Lottie. But I'm going to reinvent the idea of bucket lists, right here right now. Previously, I had two sheets of A4 paper with a list of colourful things that I wanted to do before I die and to be honest I don't think I will ever achieve them. So one nonchalant evening when I was sticking sheets of English Literature poem and quotations up on my wall, (against my will I shall add) I needed the space for my key words. I took the leap and threw the papers away and to be honest, nothing really happened. There were no thunder claps and the ceiling didn't fall in but I did feel a little sorrowful when I threw the papers away. It had hit me that all the things that I once thought would be quite cool to do I had just thrown away. But at the same time it gave me a sense of benevolence, it's helping me to set realistic goals that I will achieve.

The things I had written on there were pretty ridiculous, considering I had wrote it when I was about 9. Apparently I wanted to have tea with the queen, and go to the moon so I could see what it was like. Which is definitely not what I want to do now before I die. For starters, I would probably be terrified to death on the way up to the moon (not very helpful if I wanted to see the moon) and I reckon I would probably accidentally burp in front of the queen (god its making me nervous even thinking about it!). So to reinvent the idea of  bucket list, I am going to combine the idea of a resolution and the idea of a bucket list all at the same time of setting goal that I can achieve in the next couple of years or so.

• First of all, as its the most important thing In my life now (that's sad, really sad to say) I want/ need to achieve good grades. Grades that I have really worked for and have properly achieved. I say this because throughout secondary school, I have done the bare minimum, and it really shows in my grades. If I achieved my target grades at all, or I was one grade below, I would stop there because I couldn't be bothered. And throughout the years I watched all my friends getting better and better and I was just staying the same so now. I want to achieve the best that I can do. Everyone says that in the long run GCSE's don't matter too much but its always something that would hang over me. Just like I expect it does in my dad. I don't even think he turned up to any of his exams. But I am my mothers daughter and I want to do well.

• I would like to change my outlook on life and really see people for who they really are. My whole life I have made judgements on who people are based on the one sentence they have said to me or the way they look. And it's time to stop. I don't like the way it is making me look at life. For example, (i'll just use my dad again, why not?) my dad would see a man's arms laced with tattoos and he would say to me "if you ever got that I would disown you, don't ever ruin your body with ink like that" and that is what I believed too (obviously not anymore, I honestly don't mind whether someone has tattoos up their arms or not, its what they choose and its part of them and their story.). He would have just made a pre-emptive judgment on someone based on the amount of tattoos or ink he had injected in his skin. Over the past few years I have just ignored him on that part because there no point adding oil to the flame but I truly believe you don't know that person based on his looks. He might care for his grandma everyday and goes out for an hour for some time alone or he might be a doctor coming home from a night shift absolutely shattered. You just don't know. And its not fair to make assumptions on someone based on the 2 seconds you spent looking at them.

• Lastly and similarly, after taking care of my mind. I want to also improve on taking care of my body. Not just the eating healthy and keeping fit part, but giving my body time to rest and rejuvenate. I want to Nurture and restore it and that starts with properly caring for my skin and my eczema.  Currently, the knuckles on my fingers are cracking because they are so dry and I have sores on the sides of my fingers. (gross I know) I also have a patch of eczema on the back of my right knee that I often find myself itching in the night. Now, I'm not going to go back to my mums method of slathering cream all over me and then wrapping my hands and feet in cling film (socks didn't work, I was too wriggly!) before I went to bed so I didn't scratch. I am going to crack on and get it under control because its really doing my nut in. And, I know it's like "a thing" for teenagers to stay up until "stupid o'clock" but I can honestly say that getting all snuggly (and moisturised) and ready for bed early means that I'm not crabby the next day. I know there can be exceptions but form now in its 9:30 pm (I say this as I type vigorously at my laptop and its 10:00pm already.) Starting from half term I am going to  (or at least try, money permitting)have regular hair cuts. I actually cant remember the last time I had my hair cut, I thought sitting in class and cutting all the split ends off while I was bored was okay, but it isn't. I am going to stop just only taking my make up off, I will properly moisturise every time. And exfoliate when I get flaky beyond belief. (I blame perpetually blowing my nose because of my cold and my mums dry skin gene.)

And that's all for now. Well done for reading this far, you get two gold stars. :-) Hope you all stay well and don't catch colds! They are dreadful.

xxx